The little muscles that could. 

I’m in India again after 1 year and a 1/2 and I’m still confronting those tight groins. Tight groins, tight mind Guruji said. Still unpacking this one. And my groins. Last year was a realization that ‘OUR” definition of pain is non-existent here. It’s just different. My teacher is RELENTLESSLy pushing me towards opening up hips and groins. Her touch is strong, her voice is piercing “GO GO GO, MORE, GO MORE,STAY, PULL, PULL MORE. That’s better! Now come up.” Ahh. 

Each day, I’m at square one it feels. The groins are complicated and tricky muscles. But so connected to all the other tightness I feel in the back I the hips. Yesterday, after a fairly grueling session I melted into Upavistha Konasana. The freedom and liberation is delicious. I’ve been cheating in this pose. Going as far as the groins would allow almost like a sign on a road that says do not pass, do not enter. I don’t cross that sign. I’ve been raised in a place, culture, family whatever where I followed the rules. No trespassing and the fear of what might happen if I did, stops me.  Or my groins limiting me, saying that’s it we aren’t going any further. You can’t. 

I live in a country where rules are relative and grey and no one thinks twice about crossing a sign or gate if they want to get to the other side. I still stop and look for the “right way” getting rolled eyes from my friends who think I’m cute or foolish or just dumb. 

There is no armored police on the other side and if there is I can bribe them out of my way, there is no guy in overalls with a hound dog and a shotgun and if there is we’ll have a shot of moonshine. So I say to the hips c’mon now, I’m coming through . Because I want access to all of me.